


BBS-SBURB (Or: Twelve Idiots Play SBURB)

by Kage_Musha



Category: Banana Bus Squad, Homestuck
Genre: (except for Jonathan... sorta...), Alternate Universe - Non-Youtubers, Alternate Universe - SBURB Fusion, Cyborgs, Gen, Let's Play SBURB!, No connection to HS characters, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Social Anxiety
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-13
Updated: 2017-04-13
Packaged: 2018-10-08 17:32:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10392144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kage_Musha/pseuds/Kage_Musha
Summary: Evan has been having strange dreams for a long time, and he'd really like to know what the hell is going on.Jonathan hasn't shown a single one of his online friends his face since the day they met, sans Luke.Ryan is working himself to the bone, day in and day out, doing everything he can to help those less fortunate than him.Brian was forced into a life of metal and wires, one that leaves him disconnected from the world in ways many people can't comprehend.Tyler plans to live every day as though it could be his last.Craig loves getting back at the elites of the world, who think their actions have no consequences.Luke is sick and tired of Jonathan hiding from the rest of the group, and he's about ready to go from push to shove.Bryce lives according to his parents' rules, never toeing the line if he can help it.Marcel is a winner; he knows it, and he wants the world to know it too.David may not be the most coordinated, and he may have terrible work ethics, but he does what he can.Lui just wants to play games with his friends.And Brock is tired of playing peacekeeper with the group.Today is the day that SBURB is finally released to the public.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like to thank Caora (AKA: Brocksnuckel) for reviewing the first chapter before posting. I highly value their opinion on matters of the BBS variety, so it was a big confidence boost.  
> And I'd like to thank my best friend Susie, who stuck with me throughout the whole writing process even though she has never experienced either side of this crossover. That takes a special kind of perseverance.
> 
> [NOTE: Only after posting did I realize that some of the typing quirks I've set would be difficult for dyslexic users. At least, that is what I am assuming. So, to be safe rather than sorry, I have made an entirely separate story that is edited for full accessibility (I hope) for dyslexic readers. I don't... know how to insert a link into the notes, though. But you CAN find the story in my works page here on the site. If anyone knows how to actually insert a link into the notes, please shoot me a message and let me know so that I can make it even easier for you guys. Thank you all!]
> 
> [NOTE 2: Never mind, I got it linked]

"What do you mean we're not the ones who שּׂ¡מ?!"

"Exactly what I said ûžℓ3§; we are doomed to failure."

"That's not fair, though!"

"⊥b√Sb'⊥ rules are not meant to be fair, they are meant to be followed. We have to give our other §ΞĺעΞ§ a chance to finish our work, which means we have to initiate The ⊥¢Sªµ¢ɧ."

"So just because ÞªwÎÞ went bat-shit crazy and killed ℓ√k3, we have to pay the price? That's bullshit and you know it!"

"There's nothing else we can do!"

"..."

"...There's nothing else we can do, ûžℓ3§. We can probably escape the collapse of this µÎмÈĻÎηÈ, and maybe make it to the new ꃶꂅꃶꃶꀧꀒꁱ, but we aren't the ones to actually שּׂ¡מ Trust me on this; I'm a †33§."

"...Do you think we'll be stuck in the Ѫ㉹꒯ﭐﮠѪ forever?"

"You won't. I have to stay."

"What?! No!"

"I have to. The rest of you can escape, but someone has to stay behind to start the ⊥¢Sªµ¢ɧ; might as well be me."

"But... but what about-"

"Don't! ...Please, don't make this harder for m-me."

"...Okay. Thank you þ§ž¢3. For everything. I... I'll try to help ꀋꂖꀇꁱ in any way that I can."

"...Just make sure I don't cease to exist in vain."

...

..

.

You are now EVAN FONG.

Once born on the 31st of July in 1992, it is NOT YOUR BIRTHDAY TODAY; it's April 13th, 2017. The idea that someone would think it was anything but is rather ridiculous. It is EARLY MORNING right now, considering how you were just RUDELY AWAKENED BY YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS.

Speaking of rude awakenings, you now proceed to frantically stumble to your toilet and vomit up the remains of last night's dinner.

God, you hate those stupid dreams. Every single time, you see twelve different people, though they're all blurry so you can really make them out. And you can hear them speaking, but it's muffled by some sort of 'static' that ebbs and flows between 'barely there' and 'NOTHING BUT STATIC.' And from what you  _can_ make out, it sounds like utter nonsense; games and reality? Monsters and Gods? Time paradoxes and Space shenanigans? Yeah, not a lick of it makes any sense.

Trudging back to your room, you flop down on your bed face-first and groan loudly into your owl-themed pillow.

You have a variety of INTERESTS, such as OWLS, OBVIOUSLY (which are OWL-BSOLUTELY OWL-SOME). And yes, you have a PARTICULAR PROCLIVITY FOR PUNS. You used to PLAY HOCKEY when you were younger; COINCIDENTALLY, and maybe a bit UNSURPRISINGLY, you are also CANADIAN, EH? While you have since STOPPED playing hockey, you still work to keep yourself in GOOD PHYSICAL CONDITION. You enjoy CLASSICAL MUSIC, FOR WHATEVER ODD REASON, and harbor an INTENSE, NOSTALGIC LOVE FOR OLD DISNEY MOVIES. Quite frequently, you play VIDEO GAMES with your friends. Your online username is canuckStrigiform, and you speak in a relaxed nonchalant manner most of the time

What will You do now?

...That was a rhetorical question by the way; You aren't actually Evan. But Evan _is_ you, so... wait, no, Evan is his own person, and _You_ are more like a passenger  _within_ Evan.

...It’s confusing, I know. Don’t bother attempting to comprehend Your current situation; You’ll either fail or go insane.

As it stands, someone else has taken the initiative and decided to message you on Pesterchum.

greyscaleTiger began pestering canuckStrigiform

GT: YO EVAN YOU GOT THE GAME YET???

Of course it’s him. Why wouldn’t it be; he’s only been bugging you about the latest gaming hype of the year, SBURB, since two years ago.

CS: nah man i just decided to screw with you by telling you i reserved a copy of sburb when i actually hadnt. duh

GT: FUCK OFF MAN YOU KNOW HOW EXCITED I AM ABOUT THIS SHIT

CS: if you had shut up about the game like SOMETIME last year i think id be much less pissed off

GT: DON’T CARE. SBURB IS HERE. TIME TO PLAY.

GT: ...YOU DO HAVE THE GAME RIGHT?

CS: i already told you i lied about it. i obviously don’t have it. its absolutely not sitting in my list of games purchased online waiting for me to download it

GT: I HATE YOU

CS: feelings mutual bud. are we gonna be the only ones playing?

GT: NOPE! THE REST OF THE CREW EACH HAVE THEIR OWN COPIES SO WEVE GOT A FULL SQUAD GOING IN!

CS: joy. when are we starting?

GT: ASAP! DOWNLOAD IT NOW SO WE CAN GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD!

CS: k, i’ll start it in… a month

GT: EVAN ISTF

CS: already got it going man jeez. calm your shit

GT: I REFUSE TO BE CONTAINED!!!

CS: is everyone else set up slash getting set up too?

GT: ...i dont actually know…

CS: oh my fUCK TYLER YOU DUMBASS

GT: WOW SORRY BRO

GT: ITS NOT LIKE YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE WHO WAS VAGUE AF ABOUT WHETHER YOU WERE GETTING THE GAME OR NOT! I HAD TO MAKE SURE YOU ACTUALLY GOT YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!

CS: I DONT NEED THIS FUCKING BULLSHIT RN TYLER! ALREADY HAD TO DEAL WITH ANOTHER ROUND OF WEIRDASS DREAMS WHICH LEAVES ME THROWING UP IN MY TOILET! AGAIN!

CS: wait

CS: fuck forget i said that

GT: ...AGAIN? DUDE YOU SAID THOSE STOPPED WEEKS AGO

CS: i thought they did. but i guess not

GT: I CAN GET THE OTHERS TO WAIT IF YOU NEED A DAY OR TWO

CS: after the bullshit i had to deal with this morning i think frying my brain with video games is exactly what i need

GT: ALRIGHT MAN JUST LET US KNOW IF YOU NEED TO STOP

CS: ill be fine. gonna get some shit done while the game downloads. see you in a bit

You want to slap yourself in the face.

Why you thought it was a good idea to let slip that you’ve been having nightmares again, to _Tyler_ of all people, was beyond you. Knowing him, he’s going to let it slip to Brock in an attempt to subject you to Brock’s mother-henning tendencies. Because Brock ‘cares deeply about all of his friends,’ or something like that.

Speak of the devil, there he is now.

alcianArbitrator began pestering canuckStrigiform

AA: Hey Evan, how’s it going?

CS: oh my god dont even brock

AA: What? What’s wrong?

CS: seriously? i just get done with my convo with tyler and you just HAPPEN to start talking to me less than a minute later? like im supposed to believe that!

AA: Evan, I don’t know what you’re talking about.

CS: save it brock. just go ahead and ask me about the nightmares and we can start another one of your impromptu therapy sessions that you love giving out

AA: Nightmares??? I thought those had stopped.

CS: ...what

AA: Evan, I swear to you that Tyler and I have not contacted each other today at all. He hasn’t told me anything about your nightmares, like you seem to have assumed. But now that we’re on the subject…

CS: uuuggghhhhhhh

AA: Don’t you give me attitude; tell me what’s going on.

CS: uuuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

AA: Evan. Stop it.

CS: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

AA: Dammit Evan, just talk to me!

CS: wow brock do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

AA: Evan, I’m about ready to physically reach through my computer screen and slap you upside the head across the Internet.

CS: SIGH

CS: its the same thing as usual. i dream about people doing shit and then i wake up and go puke my guts out

AA: Jeez.

CS: yup

AA: And there wasn’t anything that separated this dream from the others you’ve had?

CS: not really

CS: except

AA: Except what, Evan?

CS: i wasnt like floating above them like usual. it was like i was sitting next to them instead

AA: Hmmm.

CS: whats the verdict doc?

AA: Well, something has obviously changed with your dreams. I don’t know if it’s because it’s been so long since your last dream or what, but this could be the start of figuring out the subject of your dreams.

AA: Have you been keeping a dream journal, by any chance?

CS: a what

AA: Obviously not. What I mean is that you should keep records of anything you can remember from your dreams. Sometimes, visual representation of your thoughts can help you organize them.

CS: that sounds absolutely stupid

AA: It’s just an idea; you don’t HAVE to do it!

CS: yeah probably wasnt gonna do it anyways

AA: ...Wow, okay. Anything else I can suggest for you to do that you will completely disregard?

CS: brock thats not what i mean

AA: Sure Evan. I’ll talk to you again when its gametime.

CS: brock wait

alcianArbitrator has gone offline

CS: fuck

You wanted to bash your head against your desk. Somehow you managed to piss off Brock, which is quite an extraordinary feat. Now you get to enjoy the gnawing sense of guilt-buildup over the next few days.

Eventually you’ll have to apologize to him.

Eventually. But not now.

Right now, you have to wait for SBURB to finish downloading.

...Well, You don’t have to wait along with Evan; You can go do something else. Or even be someone else.

Who are You going to be now?

...That’s another rhetorical question, You’re obviously not allowed to choose.

...

..

. 

aquaticNonsense began pestering animatedHellion

AN: TODAY IS THE DAY

AN: R U AS FUCKIN PSYKED AS I AM???

AH: dude

AH: why are you awake

AH: the sun isnt even up yet ohmygxd

AN: ...have u even opneed ur window yet?

AH: uh. gimme a sec

AH: OHMYFUCKITBURNS

AN: fuckin LOOOOOOOOOL

AH: K I L L M E

AH: E N D M Y S U F F E R I N G

AN: XDXFXDZD

AH: you are the WXRST FRIEND EVER

AN: just becauz im laughin at ur pain? u obviusly dont understand tru friendship

AH: FUCK YOUR FRIENDSHIP

AN: wow. rude much?

AN: stiil havent ansered my ? btw

AH: what question

AH: oh wait

AH: yeah im totally psyched ←(cxrrect spelling btw)

AN: FUCK OFF

aquaticNonsense has blocked animatedHellion

AH: well SOMEXNE is being over-dramatic txday

...

...

You are now JONATHAN ALLAWAY.

You have only just awoken, but you are brimming with pep and vigor. Nothing can bring you down now, not even your best friend's smack-talk about your (incredibly common) typos.

For today is the day that you finally get to play SBURB.

...What's that? You are curious about Jon's INTERESTS? Well, yes, he does have quite a variety of them, but I don't think now is the best time to go into such detail. It is time for you to BEGIN THE INSTALLATION PROCESS.

As soon as you pick up your copy from the mail.

It's times like these that you regret routing all your mail to a P.O. Box; then again, you are somewhat uncomfortable with the idea of giving out your home address at random.

Only a select few know this secret bit of information, but you are actually an ONLINE CELEBRITY. Known by the world as H2O-Delirious, you RECORD PLAYTHROUGHS OF VIDEO GAMES for others to watch. You aren't  _that_ famous, let's be honest here, but the number of fans you do have love your TRADEMARK, INSANE LAUGH; it's not even forced, it's just the way you laugh. A RED-STREAKED HOCKEY MASK has become the somewhat-official logo of your channel, and TEDDY BEARS have become your unofficial mascot. HORROR GAMES are your specialty, though sometimes you DEVIATE INTO OTHER GENRES AT WHIM. 

Off-screen, you are quite similar to your online persona. Your INSANE LAUGH is still a thing, as mentioned before, but much softer; wouldn't want to give away your SECRET IDENTITY, now would you? You really do love TEDDY BEARS, you really do own a HOCKEY MASK, and you really do enjoy HORROR GENRE IN ALL MEDIA TYPES, though you still DEVIATE AT WHIM. HALLOWEEN is your favorite time of year, which should come as no surprise whatsoever, and you absolutely adore CARVING JACK-'O-LANTERNS; your house is quite famous for having some of the best-carved pumpkins in the  _state_. You UNIRONICALLY DRESS UP AS JASON VOORHEES EVERY HALLOWEEN, and no one is ever going to stop you from continuing that trend well into the future. When you are not playing as a gaming celebrity, your online username is  aquaticNonsense, and u have a tendncy to slur ur words and spuot jibrish from time to tim

And now it is time for you to go get your new game.

When you get back to your house from the post office, you sigh as you feel all the stress leave your body. The entire trip only took ten minutes, but it felt more like a month to you.

It's not that there was a line in the post office, or traffic was bad today, or anything like that; no, the real issue is your ever-present social anxiety.

The best way you manage to describe it is that it's almost like a little companion you have riding around on your shoulders, one that constantly whispers in your ear all the different things people could be thinking about you, your appearance, your actions... anything and everything, really (although it seems to really focus on your appearance, for obvious reasons). It gets really fucking annoying, but it's also extremely exhausting; your nerves are constantly on edge as you do everything in your power to not stick out, to conform like society wants you to.

Alas, you _always_ stick out, no matter what you do. It's why you never show your fans your face, or give out your home address; the mere thought of being forced into the limelight in such a way... It makes you sick to your stomach.

Now back in your room, sitting at your desk, you stare at your blank computer screen. You might have overreacted a little bit by outright blocking Luke like that. It's well-known amongst your group of friends that you are the  _worst_ at typing coherently, and it's just a 'thing' with you guys now. Luke was just teasing you like everyone else does... and then you just block him? Just like that???

Now's he's probably worried, or upset, or maybe even pissed off at you, and if you had just kept calm instead of flying off the handle at him like that-

Great, you can't even get a reprieve from the anxiety within the confines of your own home.

You decide that it would be best to just unblock Luke quickly and quietly, and hope that he doesn't confront you about it. Opening up Pesterchum, you scroll through your list of chums and-

Wait a minute, someone else is contacting you.

genericObsessions began pestering aquaticNonsense

GO: hey, have you heard from ryan recently?

AN: ??? no not realyy

GO: damn. hopefully he's just stuck at the soup kitchen... and forgot to tell me he was going to be late...

AN: why r u so wooried? ryans a big boy he can tkae care of himslfe

GO: i'm worried because of how he gets whenever he buys a new game.

GO: his self-guilt rises through the roof, so he forces himself to spend longer hours volunteering.

GO: and while I appreciate his constructive 'self-atonement,' he pushes himself too hard.

GO: he's gonna end up either collapsing at the kitchen, or collapsing at his job.

AN: da,m. i firgot about taht

AN: is he stiil working his "gadren"?

GO: yeah...

GO: he should have enough harvest by next week to make another donation to the kitchen.

AN: thats good

GO: i guess...

GO: i just wish he'd be a little less giving and a little more selfish once in a while.

AN: isnt bein seflish a bad thing tho?

GO: that's not what i'm saying, Jon.

GO: i'm saying he needs to focus on his wants more often.

GO: i've been to his house a couple times, and it is literally as spartan as you can make it; nothing but the necessities, and even then they're pretty bottom-shelf.

GO: he acts like he doesn't deserve nice things, and it really...

GO: ...i just worry about him.

AN: ...siht man, i didnt know abuot that part

GO: don't worry about it. ryan at least makes sure to keep himself healthy, so i doubt he's dead in a ditch or something like that.

AN: ...wait wehn did u go to ryans?

AN: HOW did u go to ryans?

AN: u said ur parnets wuold have NEVER let u do that!

GO: oh, well... yeah. that was kinda hard to pull off.

GO: but i guess once you save up all the money for the plane ticket, and show your parents how your friend constantly volunteers at the local soup kitchen, they'll make an exception.

GO: i guess me and ryan just... got really lucky, to be honest.

AN: u lukcy bitch yu got to see ryan befroe th erest of us!

GO: i wouldn't talk, jon. you and i both know that you wouldn't have gone to see him even if you WERE offered the chance to do so.

GO: ...sorry, that was a low blow.

AN: nah i kidna deserevered it

AN: was bieng a bit of a hipocryte

GO: ...if you say so.

GO: well, i'm gonna go now. have to ask the others and see if they've talked to him recently.

AN: alrihgt man, leeme know how it goes

GO: will do.

genericObsessions ceased pestering aquaticNonsense

Well, that didn't sound good. Ryan is generally one of the more sane members of your group, so his disappearance is rather alarming

But Bryce knows him better than anybody else; you have no doubt in your mind that he'll have dragged Ryan back to his house by game-time.

As it stands, though... perhaps you could take a shot at contacting him yourself?

aquaticNonsense began pestering omegaOperative

AN: yo dude, u there?

AN: ...ry?

AN: cmon man, answer ur damn phone or whaetver already???

AN: siiiiiggggggghhhhhhh

AN: alrgiht, weel, jsyk bryce has benn freakin out becauz u havent been ansewring him

AN: and hes wooried ur, like, guilttriipin urself or somtehin

AN: so u beteer talk to him asap

OO: ΩH GΩDDAMMIT

AN: there yu are

OO: FUCK

AN: yyyyyyup

OO: Ωh my gωd, I need tω apωlωgize tω Bryce

AN: clam ur shit nd hold ur horsies

AN: where tf have u been, man???

OO: Fuck man, I was running late at the sωup kitchen!

OO: I didn't even realize I was running late until I finally lωωked at a clωck at the end ωf my shift

OO: Is Bryce really that upset?

AN: weel, like i said, hes more wooried then upset

AN: and from waht hes told me, idve benn kinda wooried too

OO: what???

AN: dudem do u really feel THAT gutily for bying a video gaem?

OO: ...Jωn, dω yωu have ANY idea hωw many peωple can't even affωrd a decent meal?

OO: Ωthers aren't as lucky as we are, and I just dωn't feel... _right_ whenever I buy stuff like this

AN: ok, but u cant be repsonisble for, like, the ENITRE lower claas

AN: ist not relaisitc

AN: or heatlhy for u

OO: Ωkay, but I can still try tω make their lives a little less depressing

OO: I dωn't think that's TΩΩ much fωr me tω handle

OO: Agreed?

AN: ryan im not teliing u to sotp

AN: im saiyng just tone it dwon a bit

OO: IT'S NΩT TΩΩ MUCH FΩR ME TΩ HANDLE, AGREED?????

AN: ...

AN: fine. whaetver. jsut go apoloigze to Bryce alraedy

OO: Yeah, I was gωing tω dω that anyways

omegaOperative ceased pestering aquaticNonsense

...

Well.

That could've gone better.

...

..

.

laddishLilliputian began pestering lazarianCyborg

LL: hey dude!! sup?!

LC: ...n0t much. Just wa1t1ng f0r every0ne e1se t0 be ready t0 p1ay.

LL: alright... are you as fired up as I am?!!

LC: S0mewhat.

LL: that's -cool!

LL: ...am I bothering you right now?!

LC: ...

LC: W0u1d y0u 11ke me t0 be h0nest?

LL: absolutely!!

LC: Yes. Y0u  _are_ b0ther1ng me r1ght n0w. But 1'm n0t 0ver1y 1rr1tated by y0ur presence, s0...

LL: ...it's alright if I keep talking with you?!

LC: 1f 1 sa1d 'n0,' d0 y0u h0nest1y th1nk that y0u w0u1d 11sten and g0 away?

LL: probably not!

LC: S0 then 1 am 1eft w1th n0 0pt10n but t0 say 'yes.'

LL: WHOOOOO!!!!

LL: thanks brian!!!!

LL: no one else wants to talk with me right now, so I'm really glad you're letting me!!

LC: 1 w0nder why...

LL: wonder what?!

LC: Why n0 0ne e1se w1shes t0 c0nverse with y0u.

LL: well, don't ashk me! I have no clue whatsoever!

LC: Yes, that seems rather 0bv10us.

LL: so what're you busy with anyways?!

LC: ...We11, 1'm w0rk1ng 0n an upgrade r1ght n0w. My chas1s unf0rtunate1y 10cks up 0n me when 1 am subjected t0 sub-zer0 temperatures, wh1ch can be extreme1y danger0us f0r the n0n-meta111c c0mp0nents 0f my phys1010gica1 structure. 1f 1 am unab1e t0 m0ve, 1 r1sk my b0dy temperature dr0pp1ng be10w safe 1eve1s f0r the human b0dy, wh1ch can 1ead t0 hyp0therm1a. 0r p0ssib1y even my 0wn term1nat10n.

LC: 1 mean death.

LL: oh! well that sounds -cool!

LC: ...Y0u have n0 1dea what 1 was just te111ng y0u, d0 y0u?

LL: ummmm...! 8|

LL: no, not really!

LC: ...A1r1ght, 1et me try and s1mp11fy th1s f0r y0u:

LC: My b0dy freezes up whenever the temperature g0es be10w zer0 degrees. 1f that happens, and 1 am n0t g1ven ass1stance 1n reaching a warmer area, 1 c0u1d d1e.

LL: holy smokes!!!!

LL: so this is really important if you ever went to, like, visit Evan during -winter or something!!

LC: Have y0u c0ns1dered h0w 1 a1s0 11ve 1n a reg10n that faces sub-zer0 temperatures dur1ng w1nter?

LL: ...okay, well it's important for that too!!

LC: 1 w0u1d s1gh, but 1t has bec0me phys1ca11y 1mp0ss1b1e f0r me t0 d0 s0.

LL: have I ever mentioned how subtly savage you can get at times?! it's really kinda -cool!

LC: 0h...

LC: Um. Thank y0u, 1 guess...

LL: ;D

LL: so how close are you to finishing the upgrades?!

LC: We11, 1 st111 have t0 f1n1sh actua11y  _bu11d1ng_ the new parts, and then 1 have t0 w1re them s0 that they are c0mpat1b1e w1th my system.

LC: S0 1'm n0t very far a10ng at a11.

LL: awwww! well, good luck Brian!! don't want you getting caught out in the -cold and dying!! 8D

LC: ...Aga1n, thank y0u 1 guess...

LL: ;D

LL: welp! i guess i better go! don't want welding yourself together on accident because i was talking with you too much!!

LC: Agreed. Thank y0u f0r y0ur c0ns1derat10n.

LL: no problem!! later!!

LC: G00dbye f0r n0w.

laddishLilliputian ceased pestering lazarianCyborg

LC: And f0r that, 1 am 1mmesurab1y thankfu1.

...

...

You are now BRIAN CORRIGAN.

And your head hurts.

You suppose that's what you get for indulging Craig and his need for some form of entertainment, but you would have felt terrible later if you just tried shrugging him off like normal. Craig may be annoying, but he's never been malicious about it; just woefully ignorant of social situations.

But your patience  _does_ have limits, and Craig nearly passed those limits today.

At least he's gone now.

Which means you can get back to work on your system upgrades.

Turning away from your computer and back to your furnace, you realize that your conversation with Craig ended just in time. Your titanium has finally finished melting.

You quickly switch out your current hands with your metal-working hands. Your normal hands have a normal steel-based alloy, but your metal-working hands are composed of a tungsten-based alloy instead. Tungsten having the highest melting point out of all metals, it's quite simply the most logical choice for this type of work.

Ideally, adamantium, vibranium, or even mithril would probably be better, but those are fictional materials; best to just leave those thoughts out of your head.

Once you've exchanged your hands and put on your safety mask, you reach within the furnace. You slowly pull out the crucible within, and bring it over to the molds you had prepared earlier. Carefully, you pour the molten metal into the different slots until you have filled all of the shape-pieces for a new left hand. It's mostly finger joints, but you have plating for the palm, opisthenar (or back of your hand), and heel as well.

And now comes the best part of all: you wait for it all to cool down.

This is what really makes these upgrades of yours so much more enjoyable than your other metal-working hobbies. You already have molds for each and every piece that makes up your body, so all you have to do is melt and pour.

Granted, you still have to do the welding and the wiring at a later date, but at least you don't have to hammer the pieces into shape yourself!

You go and re-equip your normal hands and make your way back up to your room.

...What? Did You  _honestly_ think Brian would perform metal-working within his own bedroom, let alone keep a furnace in it as well?! No. His Workshop is in the basement, fully equipped with all the protections necessary to keep the house from burning down and/or exploding.

Once you make it to ground level, you stop off in your kitchen for a moment to grab a bottle of water. Heat-resistance aside, your human parts still get uncomfortably hot whenever you're in the Workshop and you still run the risk of dehydration. You consider it a minor blessing that you can still ingest food and drink, as the rest of your body conveniently uses food as fuel and water as coolant.

Of course, you can only drinkwater, and your diet has to consist of pure foods, like vegetables, fruits, meats, and breads, but it's still something.

You wish you could've tried alcohol at  _least_ once, sometimes, but you've learned to cope without it.

Finally you are back upstairs in your room.

In terms of decorations, your room is rather sparse. Most of the space is taken up by all of the computers that run maintenance on your body as you sleep, and your 'bed' (which is extremely reminiscent of an operating table, one that is tilted about 30 degrees).

Your INTERESTS, just like your choice of interior design, are rather limited in variety; quite simply, any form of METAL-WORKING is within your realm of possibility. You've taken it upon yourself to master the art that you _are_ , in a sense, which has worked out for the better. You spend an ample amount of time CRAFTING JEWELRY and, whenever you get in a particular, artsy mood, you ERECT METAL SCULPTURES. Both of these talents of yours have ended up paying the bills quite easily. Over the years, you have also FORGED ENOUGH WEAPONRY TO FILL AN ARMORY. Granted, you usually end up melting the weapons back down to make something new, but sometimes you can be persuaded to craft something for a customer (blunted heavily, but still relatively usable). You also have plenty of experience in ROBOTICS, but you specialize in the ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE kind. Your AI's are rather limited in their ability to converse and think for themselves, but you're getting there. And, in your downtime, you spend ample amounts of time playing VIDEO GAMES with some of your friends. Your username is lazarianCyborg, and y0u speak 1n a c0mputer-generated v01ce, due t0 y0u n0t rea11y hav1ng v0ca1 ch0rds anym0re.

Yes, if it hasn't become _extremely_ obvious at this point, you are also a LITERAL CYBORG. You were NOT BORN LIKE THIS, and you DO NOT PARTICULARLY CARE TO TALK ABOUT WHAT EXACTLY HAPPENED TO MAKE YOU A CYBORG.

And, above all else, you DESPISE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER AND THE TERMINATOR.

Like, you understand that your friends make 'Terminator' jokes in a teasing manner, not mocking, but sometimes it gets  _really_ old,  _really_ fast.

If Craig had said something in response to your slip of the tongue, you would have immediately blocked him for the rest of the day; it pisses you off that much.

You take a moment to snatch up one of the many knives you have strewn about your desk and hurl it at the life-sized poster of Schwarzenegger himself. It lands directly in the center of the poster's left hand, hanging loosely at the side. While it could be considered rather painful, the wound would not be a fatal one unless he refused any and all medical attention and just simply let it bleed out.

It's extremely disappointing.

Your best shot, one that makes you smile fondly whenever you recall the event, sent a knife hurtling in the exact center of the forehead. The knife still hangs there to this day in honor of your superior accuracy.

You now spend your time trying to nail the poster in the nether regions. You consistently fail, but you swear you're getting better with every knife thrown.

You 'feel' something bump against your leg, as in 'the sensory plates that run across you body alerted you to the fact that an object had just come in contact with your chassis,' and you look down to see 4H is 'nuzzling' your leg again.

4H doesn't actually nuzzle, but you like to think that they  _want_ to nuzzle you.

4H, or Unit 4H of Model 54's R-Class (54-R-4H for short, 4H for even shorter), is your latest creation in you quest for artificial intelligence: a small robot that is shaped just like a rabbit. They're nothing special; compared to the other rabbit-bots you've created, 4H is rather sloppily made. But you think this is the first time you've managed a flicker of self-awareness with one of your robots.

It was during the customary two-week trial period, in which the test subject is monitored during it's daily routine to find any possibility of awareness. Day 54-R-4H: 10, to be exact. On that day, 4H had been roaming about the ground floor on their standard path. The path had been pre-coded into 4H's command routines, so nothing had seemed out of the ordinary. Once 4H had finished the path, protocol dictated that they would return to their charging station for the day and go into sleep mode until next morning.

Except 4H decided to go upstairs instead.

When you had reviewed the day's footage, you ended up tearing your basement door off it's hinges during your subsequent, spontaneous celebration.

Besides the fact that 4H had  _deliberately_ disobeyed their protocol, there was also the fact that 4H broke one of the Rules. You had always coded in a series of 'rules' for all your creations, ones that were meant to be followed to the letter without any room for convoluted loopholes or extreme extrapolation. One of the Rules demanded that no subject would be allowed to travel upstairs or downstairs, partly because of the fact that your Workshop could end up becoming very dangerous if a robot decided to run amok within, partly because of the fact that you value some sense of personal space, but mostly because you only had enough cameras to cover a single floor in your house.

Theoretically, there should have been  _no_ possible way for 4H to have climbed the stairs. Ever. End of story. Good night.

This is (subjective) evidence that maybe 4H decided, on their own, to rebel against the rule set that defined their inorganic life.

It's a rather terrifying idea, if you consider the possibility of robot overlords, but also very exciting!

Or, it just means that you are actually rather terrible at coding and simply forgot to put that Rule in for whatever reason.

You prefer to wield the mindset of the former.

Since that day, 4H has become somewhat of a 'pet' of yours; free reign throughout the entire house, sans the Workshop, and no threat of being melted down as scrap for future generations of test subjects!

You reach down, gently pick up the robbit (pun absolutely intended), and set them on top of your desk, right under your lamp. It might be another, rather lengthy jump in logic, but you have come to assume that 4H's favorite place in the house is that exact spot. They only nuzzle you like that when you are close to the desk, and any other surface you place them on has 4H jumping off within seconds. Only by placing them beneath the desk lamp will 4H stay in place, and placing them down at any other area on the desk prompts 4H to _walk over and stop underneath the lamp_. You assume this also means 4H is learning how to overcome obstacles between them and their wants, which is just another major leap forward in your research.

Now if only you could replicate the results with another one of your creations...

In any case, 4H's preferred location only makes it easier for you to analyze their coding. The interface jack that allows you to visually study 4H's coding easily connects to your computer via a USB cable.

Since you have nothing better to do at the moment, taking another look at their code would be a productive way to pass the time until everyone else is ready for SBURB.

And while Brian does that, You actually have something more important to do.

...

..

.

simpleLaborer opened a new memo

SL: HAHA! TODAY'S THE DAY, BOYS!

SL: LIKE, FOR HOW FUCKING LONG HAVE WE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS GAME???

SL: TOO DAMN LONG, THAT'S FOR SURE!

SL: I, FOR ONE, AM PUMPED, AND I HOPE THE REST OF YOU ARE AS WELL!

SL: IT IS NOW NOON EST, WHICH MEANS WE HAVE TWO MORE HOURS OF PREP TIME BEFORE WE GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD.

SL: I'M COMPLETELY READY (LIKE, WHY WOULDN'T I BE?), SO I FIGURED IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO MAKE SURE THE REST OF YOU ARE PREPARED AS WELL.

SL: OR IN THE PROCESS OF PREPARING.

SL: AND, IF YOU ARE NEITHER OF THOSE TWO THINGS, THEN I FIGURED NOW WOULD BE A GOOD WAKE-UP CALL TO get your shit together< assholes: game_time is soon< and i"m not gonna put my ass on the line just because you couldn"t figure out how to turn on your computer!!!

SL: BUT, MOST OF ALL, I JUST WANTED TO WISH YOU ALL THE BEST OF LUCK!

maniacalMacaque has joined the memo

MM: hey marcel

SL: YES LUI?

MM: i dont think im gonna be ready on time &(

SL: ...AND WHY NOT, LUI?

SL: WAIT, NO, DON'T ANSWER THAT.

SL: PLEASE GOD, NO.

MM: okay well i cant find mister gummy i usually have him in my bed because i sleep with him but i havent been able to find him since breakfast like i DID wake up with him this morning but then he just disappeared somehow between then and now and now i cant find him and i NEED him if i want to be able to focus today marcel and i dont want to screw up because then youll get mad and i dont want to make you mad please dont be mad oh my god youre mad im sorry!!!!!!! 3::X

SL: FUCKING CHRIST, LUI, WHY DO YOU DO THIS ALL THE DAMN TIME?

SL: AND WHO THE HELL IS MISTER GUMMY?

MM: hes mister gummy

SL: that tells me nothing< lui!!!

SL: can you fucking elaborate< please?!?!

SL: shiiiiiiiit!!!!!!

MM: mister gummy is my stuffed monkey i got him at the carnival one day because i had been wandering around doing a bunch of different rides and stuff and then i thought to myself hey why dont you try that ring toss over there so i went over and i paid 3 bucks for five rings and then i got a ring around one of the bottles i was so happy and the guy told me to pick out a prize and there was THE CUTEST little sock monkey hanging over on the side of the booth so i asked for that one and the guy gave him to me and then i spent the rest of my day at the carnival with my monkey but i didnt have a name for him yet but when i went home i saw that someone had stuck a piece of chewed up gum on his stomach while i had been holding him i was SUPER PISSED but then it gave me an idea for my new friends name so now hes mister gummy!!! 83

SL: HOLY SHIT.

SL: HOW DO YOU DO THIS.

SL: THIS IS LITERALLY WORD VOMIT ALL OVER THE MEMO.

SL: I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD DO SOMETHING.

SL: BUT I'M CAUGHT IN THIS STATE OF FASCINATED HORROR.

SL: I'M DISGUSTED BEYOND BELIEF, BUT I SOMEHOW CAN'T LOOK AWAY FROM IT.

SL: SOMEONE COME TO MY HOUSE AND KNOCK ME OUT SO THAT I CAN ESCAPE THIS SPIRAL OF MADNESS.

MM: haha marcel youre such a drama king its funny! X3

SL: NEVER MIND, LUI'S LATEST MESSAGE SEEMS TO HAVE SNAPPED ME OUT OF MY TRANCE.

SL: IF ONLY MOMENTARILY.

SL: BACK TO THE ORIGINAL TOPIC, HOWEVER...

SL: why should i give a flying fuck about your piece of shit monkey??!!?!!!??!?!

SL: OH MY GOD, HERE IT COMES AGAIN.

SL: KILL ME NOW.

MM: Okay, first of all, how fucking DARE you, Marcel?

SL: WHAT

MM: That monkey is my fucking pride and joy, do you hear me? Like, have YOU ever won a fucking ring toss??? I didn't think so! Child-like facade aside, I am DAMN PROUD OF THE FACT THAT I MANAGED TO WIN AT THAT FUCKING GAME!!!

MM: And now you literally insult my skills? to my face?? because now I can't find the monkey???

MM: If anyone should be sick right now, it should be me.

MM: AND I WILL THANK YOU TO NEVER AGAIN SULLY THE NAME OF MY DEAR MR. GUMMY, BECAUSE YOU WILL FUCKING REGRET IT IF YOU DO

MM: so yeah i cant find mister gummy anywhere even though i searched my WHOOOOOOOLE house 38

SL: ...

SL: ...I CANT

SL: I CANT FUCKING COMPREHEND THIS SHIT

SL: *STUFFS BREADSTICKS IN BAG

SL: I HAVE TO LEAVE RIGHT NOW

simpleLaborer has left the memo

maniacalMacaque is now the memo moderator

MM: phooey 3&

MM: marcel didnt tell me if he knew where mister gummy was

spatiallyChallenged has joined the memo

SC: YO WAT THE HAP IS FUCKENING???/

MM: hi david! 83

SC: o hey there lui, whas goin on?

SC: ...are ya writin a long chunka speech again?

SC: ...plaese hurry 

MM: well marcel had started a memo because he wants us to all get ready or something and he doesnt want us wasting his time so he was talking about everyone getting prepared before we start playing and then i came in because i needed his help finding mister gummy mister gummy is my stuffed monkey that i won at a carnival you can probably read the whole story further up in the memo if you want so anyways i told marcel the story and then he got mad so then i got mad and then marcel left because hes a meanie 3&

SC: thas... surprisinly informative thanks

SC: haev ya found mister gummeh yet?

MM: nooooooo 38)

MM: oh shoot i dropped a cheerio hang on

MM: I FOUND MISTER GUMMY WHOOOOOOOOOO 8DDDDDD

SC: thas graet! whered ya find im?

MM: he was under my bed the whole time! silly lui X3

simpleLaborer has joined the memo

SL: are you fucking kidding me??!?!!?!!??!!?!!?!

maniacalMacaque has banned simpleLaborer from responding to the memo

MM: no meanies allowed marcel! you lost memo priviligidides when you made fun of mister gummy! 3&

SC: foight the power, louie!

MM: ...David, that's not how you spell my name.

SC: oh dont you start in with that bullshit.

SC: am i not allowed to have my own fun???

maniacalMacaque has banned spatiallyChallenged from responding to the memo

MM: Your quirk is already hard enough to read; don't start messing our names up now as well.

...

..

.

**Author's Note:**

> So, right now would probably be a good place for me to tell you each of the guys' eventual god tiers, but I'd rather not. Besides the fact that it's pretty spoiler-ish, I'm also interested to see if any of you can correctly guess what the god tiers are going to be!  
> [Something to note: I've probably given just enough relevant information in the story itself to determine three (or four) classpects, and only one of those three/four has been 'introduced to the reader(s)' so far. The summary has more clues, but you would have to be REALLY savvy with a particular Witch of Light on tumblr to understand those clues. (hint, hint)  
> Other than that, the only thing I can say is that I loosely based each god tier off of the guys' personalities in real life, which were then altered (drastically, in some cases) to fit the story, and that no class nor aspect repeats within this group of twelve.]  
> Let me know if you have any ideas!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [BBS-SBURB (Or: Twelve Idiots Play SBURB) [EDITED FOR ACCESSIBILITY}](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10621755) by [Kage_Musha](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kage_Musha/pseuds/Kage_Musha)




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